yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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