you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She's just so happy...and so naked.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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