she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
