the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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