im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
