yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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