woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
