and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
