I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Welp...herpes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
