Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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