..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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