If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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