Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
