***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
