his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
why is half of my head shaved?
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