This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
