It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
