Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
