i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
