You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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