Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize