Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
