I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just want to make out with him forever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
