How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
