I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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