He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize