Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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