i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
