My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize