Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
