My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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