Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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