THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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