i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize