there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want her autograph on my taint
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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