I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
