either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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