His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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