mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
