I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
