dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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