just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
