I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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