Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
