I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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