I wish life had little blips of pornography
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
