8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You are a genius and a whore.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
