I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize