Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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