I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize