i think my mom watched the whole time
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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