Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Can Purell be used as lube?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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