There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this just has baby written all over it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
