dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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