i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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