This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
