The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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