we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize