i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
