I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
