The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
