if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
