If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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