@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
