She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
