can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
