Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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