I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
