I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
