Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
