I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
