she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
