giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
