Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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