Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize