Where did you get a picture of my penis
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
