I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
