He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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