Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
