I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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