is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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