I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
