Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
