i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
this hospital has no fireball
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
