There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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