its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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