...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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