The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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