you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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