dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
