Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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