I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
