The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
