the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
